Texas Choke Em
Occurred: Winter 2005

I was sitting at the card table in my old apartment. Across the table from me was Rex. Rex and I are were playing a heads up cash game of Texas Hold' em. My apartment was located in a large commercially zoned area owned by a distant relative of mine. It was the only building in the surrounding area zoned residential because of a grandfather clause granted years ago for some forgotten favor. If it was Friday or Saturday I would be running a Black Jack Game. If it was Wednesday I'd be running the "Executive Game" (stolen from The Sopranos ). There was always a keg of beer in the fridge, fresh buckets of fried food, ample nuggets and cute waitresses. Everyone was happy and my friends and I made good money.

Today was not one of those days. I was playing cards with Rex, alone. I never gamble large sums of money with Rex. If he can't succeed in cheating he'll do something much worse. He'll rely on his demonic luck to pummel his opponent into the poor house. I do believe Rex has a pact with the devil. I witnessed him sell his soul to a guy with a binder, Polaroid camera and actual contracts. I saw Rex sign his name; literally.

Rex had a few hours to kill before he had to leave town for his re-up. He had a large amount of cash on him and was eager to gamble. I was low on cash and had just over forty dollars on me. I made a point of not mentioning my bank roll to Rex. As the house, I proposed we play a cash game. We start with a twenty dollar buy-in and can re-buy for any "reasonable amount". If someone wants to stop playing they have to call thirty minutes before they can cash out. This was a standard house rule I used to encourage people to stay longer and not leave after winning a big hand. Rex agreed to these rules and we started to play.

About a half an hour into playing I got busted out by Rex. I now had twenty-four dollars. I bought in for the rest of my cash. I catch a few lucky hands and Rex makes a few mistakes. Rex buys in a few times. I find myself floating at one hundred and forty dollars in chips. Rex contemplates leaving but can't stand the fact that I've just won one-hundred dollars from him. He throws down another hundred. He blows through the hundred dollars very quickly. He takes the high jump twice thinking I'm weak and I slow play two hands for the majority of his chips. He takes the remaining amount and recklessly gambles it to no avail. Rex is infuriated and buys in for another two hundred. There is now four hundred dollars of his money on the table and forty of mine. I have a chip lead of 6:5.

I start to feel cocky and a little guilty. I've taken a large chunk of Rex's money which he probably needs to re-up. I begin to play a little loose. Rex takes back a few of his chips and begins to get excited. He builds momentum in the game and starts schooling me, really badly. I make a few big mistakes and I find myself hovering at about twenty dollars. Rex offers to end the game. I refuse. He offers me back my forty-four dollar buy in, I still refuse. I dwindle down to two dollars in chips. I'm a little upset that I lost all the money, but only forty dollars had come out of my pocket. I toss in my two dollars blind (without looking at my hand) and win. I toss in my four dollars blind and win. I look at my next hand and go all in preflop with eight dollars. Rex calls and I win again. I've now got sixteen dollars. Rex is standing up and getting very excited. He knows with his chip lead I am seconds away from losing. One more all-in and he's probably going to win. He can feel victory. He's moments away from getting that familiar rush. He's about to win the game and take all my money. I decide I need to deprive him of this. I decide I need to break Rex. I hate playing non-aggressive tactics in any game, but I know this is the only chance I have against Rex. It's time to slow the game down.

I start breaking up weed and a blunt instead of picking up the next hand that is dealt to me. Rex is a bit annoyed. I continue to slowly play as I twist up the L. I'm folding almost every hand and taking a long time to decide before I bet. Rex sits back down for the first time since he stood up when I had two dollars. I'm playing the slowest most conservative game of poker I can muster. Rex starts to get impatient. I catch him and I'm at fifty dollars. I catch him again and I'm at eighty. He bucks off and I double up. I'm sitting on about one-hundred and sixty dollars. Rex throws his cards violently down on table and says "Yo I give up son, I'm leaving." He's mad at himself for playing poorly and he's even madder about letting me win all that money back.

I tell him he can't just give up; he has to call thirty minutes. Rex is not hearing it. He wants to leave, now, with all his chips. He starts gathering his keys and cigarettes from the table. I sternly tell Rex he has to follow the rules of my house, the rules we both agreed upon. I point to the sign on the wall displaying the houses rules and code of conduct. Rex is not hearing it. He gets very loud and tells me he's leaving now and there's nothing I can do about it. He grabs the closed dutch masters box which we were using as a bank and starts to leave. I block his way and tell him we aren't done playing, he has to sit down. He's not hearing it all.

Now I probably would have let him leave or at least negotiated for more money without any issues if he had been polite or respectful about the whole thing. I knew had to go re-up and he probably had just the right amount of money needed. Unfortunately his flippant attitude and disrespect for my house left me little choice. If I did not stand my ground with Rex I would be asking for trouble in the future. If I did not assert myself Rex would consider me weak and take further advantage of me. I politely ask him to hand me the cash box. I might not be able to stop him from leaving but I at least want to cash out my chips before he does. He clutches the box closely and pretty much tells me to go fuck myself. I lunge at him and grab the box. He doesn't let go. We both are strongly pulling on the cardboard dutch masters box.

Then it happens. The box rips in half. Money falls and scatters everywhere. I make eye contact with Rex as the bills flutter through the air. I remember everything I know about Rex. I remember all the things he's done. I remember all the stories I've heard about him and all the stories he's told. His shoulders begin to arch up and he starts to take a step back. In about 600 milliseconds he's going to sprawl on the ground and snatch up all the money. I'll be forced to grapple with him if I want any of my money. I know I have no choice. I make a preemptive strike.

My large hands easily interlock over Rex's lean neck. My thumbs are over his windpipe, parallel to each other. My fingers are perfectly wrapped around Rex's common carotid artery and jugular vein. The tips of my fingers are touching at the back his neck applying slight pressure to the brain stem. I prop him up against the wall. I apply just enough vertical pressure to force him to stand on his tippy toes. I bend my elbows to a forty-five degree angle, slide my right leg back and lean forward. I can feel his neck throbbing. I've completely stopped his breathing. Rex's realizes how dire his situation is and reaches up high with his right hand. He comes down as hard as he can in the limited space and jabs me below my right eye. I remember blinking on the side I got hit on. I remember feeling no pain. The jab to my cheek bone didn't phase me at all. I held Rex's neck with resolve. I wasn't going to let him take advantage of me. I wasn't going to let anyone come into my house and take advantage of me. I looked into Rex's eyes and saw panic. I realize if I don't let go of him, he will die. I realize I'm about to commit murder. I loosen up my grip slightly. As soon as Rex feels my hands relax he rips them away from his neck and starts to make a dash towards the door. He's extremely agitated. His face is beet red, his eyes are extremely watery, and he's wheezing pretty badly. I'm in shock of what our friendly card game has degenerated into. I don't try to stop him. He stumbles towards the front door and grabs as much money as he can without getting close to me. He kicks the front door open gets into his car and peels out of the parking lot. There's about two hundred dollars still on the floor.